notes on a she -- the fit and rude..

she.. not a She.. nor The She.. just a she.. and yet a she..

i dont know why a think of her as a she.. i mean she is a she and everything.. but a.. hmm.. the fuck i know.. she is no more nor less special than any other i know.. and yet special..

in short she is young (eternal i'd say), gorgeous looking, fit, rude (but as in good), smart, bright.. stunning to recap.. and she knows it..

i can't say i know her.. i mean she only shows me stuff and that's what i know of her.. what she shows me..

bout the thinking.. i can't help it.. i mean i do think of her.. what would it be like to live with her.. now don't get me wrong.. i am not proposing or anything.. no.. it's more like.. what does it take to live with her and do i have it..

yea surely i talk of marriage at times but in the way of seeing people's reactions.. to see how sober they are or to make them sober.. i thought many times on the subject what is to be married.. what does it take.. do i have it so i can give it away.. in my not-so-humble oppinion there are things that i can give.. and things i dont have yet.. and i do mean for the long term..

however this doesnt apply in this case.. whatever i may have in the hat won't do me any good on the long stratch.. i do make her laugh at times or so it seems.. i do make her think at times or so it seems.. infact all the things that i probably give her are "seems".. no rock-solid hard proof ot that.. not to mention -- they are all brief moments.. a glimpse of something in me that is not permenant..

some explanation ah?

what i meant was that yea we do have common things (fuck i can find anything in common with any bird i wanna dig) but it is not enough..

from what i've seen she lives on the edge.. always moving.. always doing stuff.. me -- i live in the middle.. where it is coisy.. where it is safe.. doing absolutely nothing.. she goes to work only so she could leave and i leave work only so i could come back..

what drives her was either never within me or if it was -- now is surgically removed.. and those almost to never moments that i mention above will always be like that -- almost to never..

from what i've seen she needs to be shocked.. thrilled.. entertained.. always and constantly.. a board on times square -- coffee date me -- might do the job to get her attention but how on earth am i gonna achieve that? and again it would be for a brief tiny midget half-split second..

this pace of her.. i can't and won't last..

yet i crave her attention..

this puzzles me.. on one hand -- all reasons and good logic in this world tell me -- stay the fuck away from her.. you and she is (now and always will be) totally different .. you'll be lucky to get a word out of her mouth.. a coffee date ?!? don't be fuckin pathetic..

and on the other hand -- all the curiosity and childish things in me drive me the other way around -- for fuck sake mate tell me you are not interested.. dont lie to me sicko.. we both know a word is never fuckin enough.. a coffee date -- just the first step..

so yeah.. that's basicly it.. a person i am interested in from the side of getting to know her.. exploring her in a way.. but thanks god no feeling or i was gonna be in such a mess.. nothing special in the way.. just some thoughts.. just giving them a shape of some kind..

and yeah.. you are eventually gonna read this.. smile.. it suits you..